Last year my son and his friend at school called the police on a mobile phone the other boy had stolen from his big sister. 

They sat behind a bookshelf during wet weather indoor play time and told the emergency line that the other boy's mum had been murdered.

When they hung up the phone (and presumably wet themselves with how hilarious they were) the police called back. MY son answered and told the police there was blood everywhere and he was scared. 

Now, the police, not sure if this was a prank or not, did a little bit of investigating and called the school after realising the call came from the area. What had everyone in a panic was that they couldn't get the other little boy to tell the truth. Was his mother really lying dead on her bedroom floor; or was she having coffee with a mate down at the coffee club?

Both the school and the police couldn't get hold of the other boy's mother, so the police sent cars over to the house to see if there really was a horrific murder in our lovely suburb.

As you can guess, when the mother finally answered her phone, she confirmed that she was in fact NOT dead, but her son would probably be by the time she was done with him.

I was called into the principal's office and had to sit there and will myself not to laugh at how hilarious the whole situation was. 

I mean, obviously, it was really bad. Wasting police time, lying, the boy stealing the phone, LM answering and lying to the police...

The principal sent LM out of the office and once we knew he was out of earshot we both laughed so hard we cried.

My son, he looks suspicious. If he looks like he's doing something naughty nine times out of ten, he's actually doing something naughty.

This weekend he took black paint into his room from his art kit and painted his wall.

I mean, seriously. HE PAINTED HIS WALL BLACK AND DIDN'T THINK HE WAS GOING TO GET IN TROUBLE.

My mind boggles. 

After I finished losing my shit (and I really really did. My neighbours all went to their bedrooms and sat on their beds with their arms crossed because I shouted it so loud) I asked him WHY.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? WHY WHY WHY?

He shrugged his shoulders.

Just...

I felt like my brain was going to melt.

There was a lot of crying (me) and an early night (him) and today, we started again.

New day, new slate.

He told me I was the prettiest mummy in the world when I made breakfast, he said I made the best food ever and then wrote me three notes where he promised he would never run away and will always love me to the moon and back. Forever and ever and ever.

So...

He's really good at that emotional manipulation thing.

I might have the naughtiest boy in all of the lands...
But he's MY naughty boy. Truly.
He doesn't share my blood, but he's got my rebel running through his veins.

God help us all.