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I'm trying to plan Teeny's Birthday plans for this weekend, and it's giving me major anxiety.

Turning 14 is hard y'all.

With a birthday list that includes an Apple Watch (Not likely kid, especially after spending a small fortune on The Moo the other week) a pair of high waisted white jeans (I'm NOT jealous of my 14-year-old daughter that she can rock the white jean look and not look like a sausage stuffed into white tubes) a white watch (if she can't have the Apple Watch), a pair of Nike SB's, swimmers, make up (and we're talking Kylie Jenner lipstick FFS) and a million other things that quite frankly I want too.

Is it wrong that I want the same stuff that my 14-year-old daughter wants?
Lie to me and tell me it's fine.

Everything on her list is haaaarrrrd. The shoes are apparently super popular, and no one has them, so I've ordered them online. As for the Jeans, I've also had to order them online from some terrifying website in a size four because she's a child and you can't get fucking high waisted white jeans with slashes in the knees for children. DUH.

So, she's got the jeans, the shoes, the new swimmers, the watch and she's got a few extra bits and pieces that she'll hopefully love, but I refuse to buy the Kylie Jenner lipstick. Not because I hate everything that the Kardashian Brand do...because I fucking LOVE the vapid Kardash girls and their little sisters. But because I want it for myself (#selfishmummy) and I will not be one of those mums that steal makeup from their children. It should be the other way around.

Anyway.
If that's not enough to bankrupt us, at one point we agreed to take her and her BFF to Dreamworld.
I must have been on some serious drugs that day because what a stupid idea.
But I promised and off to Dreamworld, we will go.
*hold me*
I figure Husband, and I can let the girls go and do their own thing while we take LM to the little kid stuff because he's a sooky la-la and refuses to go on any rides. Heh.
The last time we went was when Husband and I were on a holiday on the Gold Coast to celebrate him going into remission. I had my period, and I wanted to die the entire time. I went on one ride, stood and watched the Tigers for a minute and then cried the rest of the day because my uterus was trying to murder me.

So, it's going to be awfully wonderful, and I'm a little excited.
This will be her first birthday with us, and I want it to be special. Kids in care get a shitty deal sometimes. We want Teeny to have an awesome birthday weekend, and I can't wait to give that to her.
Her actual Birthday is on Sunday, so we'll go out for lunch, I'll make a cake and promise Husband that on Monday we will start Keto again. It's what I do.

**I'm skipping today's 8-minute memoir because, well, it's my blog and you can't tell me what to do.**