I'm about three chapters away from finishing my novel which is TERRIFYING.
Obviously, I have a long way to go before presenting it to anyone; I need to go back and edit, edit, edit and then edit again before I hand over to my beta readers, etc.
My only new year resolution last year was that I would FINISH the book, even if it meant chaining myself to the computer until I did.

I've found the closer I get, the slower I go. I find excuses not to write or to go back and fiddle with the middle of the chapter, or re-write a passage just to halt where I am in the book.
I silently rejoiced when I broke my right wrist a few months ago because it meant that I had a break from writing, and I could ignore my looming deadline.
I should have finished by now.

I'm scared that it's terrible.
The self-doubt is suffocating.

I'm sure that every writer has that feeling though right?
My sister and Lex both say it's good, but they HAVE to say that don't they. It's like an unwritten law or something. They can't say "Dude, your book fucking SUCKS. A 13-year-old could write better. Go get a proper job." because they know it would break my heart.
How do I know that they aren't protecting me?
How am I going to hand over something that I've put my entire soul into, to someone else who is going to rip it and me apart with a scathing red pen?

I don't know if I'll be able to take constructive criticism. I've never been good at that. I get defensive, and my first reaction is to tell someone to fuck off. That's not going to be a good look to some nice editor person when they've told me I have the writing skill of a gnat.

There is also the extremely uncomfortable subject of sex scenes.
I like sex (sorry parents), and I'll talk about it until the cows come home with almost anyone, except my parents. That's just...no. No, thank you.
How am I supposed to hand this over to my MOTHER and then not die a million deaths that she's read sex scenes that I wrote?
No. It's not going to happen. I'm just going to have to send her and the rest of my family a heavily edited version that has only hand holding and sweet pecks on the cheek aaaand fade to black.

Surely that's better than my mum reading ANY smut from her daughter... right?